Since I have this fancy new blog theme, it would be wasteful of me not to use it; and, with my fan base clamouring for my return to blogging, not only would that be wasteful, but very rude. As you can tell, nothing much has changed for me: the hyperbole is still my go-to figure of speech. So for future reference, when I say, my fan base is clamouring, just know that though I intended to leave you with the impression that a screaming and senseless throng has been weeping for my return with weak knees and watery eyes, that is far from true. My conscience accuses me.
When I was very young, there was a boy who lived two doors down from me who, I believe, thought rather fondly of the hyperbole as well. He was, if I may coin a term, quite the master hyperbolist, able to use exaggeration to create grand effect. Being young, and a boy, I really loved He-Man, so naturally my favourite toy was my He-man doll–I guess you could call it a doll. Well, this neighbour boy, being skilled in the use of the hyperbole, told me he was going to get Oracle, another character in the Masters of the Universe (I know, I’m struggling here–but give me a break, I’ve been gone a while), and the toy he knew I was very eager to get. I told him that I hoped to get it for my birthday too, so he in turn told me that the Oracle he was getting, wasn’t just the regular Oracle, but he was getting the special Oracle figure, the one that spit out candies in never-ending supply. Well, until I figured out that there was no such thing as a perpetual candy machine, this kid was the envy of me and my little circle of hooligans, because seriously, when you are six-years-old, what can you do that could possibly top a perpetual candy spitting Oracle doll?
Though I hope you find my use of the hyperbole far less self-aggrandizing, and more self-deprecating, I hope I did cause you to wonder, does he really have fans, and what could they possibly be clamouring about? Well, I am glad you asked. If there were clamouring, it would probably be for some photographs, and what better photos to post than those from my most recent wedding? You know, to keep me relevant? Test my new blog?